New Bath Divorce Service Links Law with Therapy

Posted on March 28, 2010 by Richard Sharp

With summer days ahead, wedding bells become a familiar sound. Falling in love and getting married can be one of life’s high points. Divorce tends to fall at the opposite end of the emotional spectrum.

Divorce is one of the most emotionally disturbing transitions a person can face. The negative emotions associated with divorce, cause more than hurt feelings; they can impact on the final outcome of settlement negotiations or court litigation, how children are affected by their parents’ divorce, and how the divorced couple relate and co-parent into the future.

On top of being a time of deep emotional turmoil, divorce is a legal and even a business transaction. The ultimate challenge of divorce is learning how best to deal with both the legal and emotional issues that arise at a time when many are least able to deal with them objectively.

In recent months, psychotherapist family consultant Christopher Mills and I have been working on bringing together the legal and emotional aspects of divorce. By combining our different professional perspectives and years of experience working in Bath in the fields of family law and family therapy, Christopher Mills and I are now able to help clients understand that the emotional and legal aspects of divorce are part of the same package, have a direct influence on each other and are best managed together.

Together we have created a team approach to offer a unique joint divorce service in Bath. It will help separating and divorcing clients

• Gain perspective on their legal options early on
• Make better informed decision
• Understand and meet their children’s best interests
• Improve the efficiency of the separation and divorce process
• Enable family members to move forward positively with the rest of their lives.

To learn more about this new divorce service contact Richard Sharp (m: 07798 606740 t: 01225 870336 e: richard@sharpfamilylaw.com, website: www.sharpfamilylaw.com ) or Christopher Mills (m: 07812 364070 t: 01225 445237 e: cm@chrismills.uk.com, website www.chrismills.uk.com ) – The office is located at 3, Miles’s Buildings, George Street, Bath, BA1 2QS, UK

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It Takes Two - To Get Co-parenting after Divorce

Posted on March 19, 2010 by Richard Sharp

After trying to make a 12 year marriage work that included attending sessions at Relate and individual counselling, Liz realised it was a lost cause and wanted a divorce. With that she also wanted her husband to remain a big part of their children’s lives and hoped that they could become good co-parents in the future. But Liz wasn’t confident that that would happen. She feared that her husband wouldn’t be able to see anything positively and was very worried that his anger with her over the divorce would affect his on-going relationship with their children.

Liz had done her research reading articles, blog posts, searching the net, buying books, talking to professionals and had looked at conflict resolution options including mediation and collaborative practice. She had learnt that conflict was the major cause of unhappiness and poor outcomes for the children. She got it that it was about them and not about her or her husband.

Unfortunately, all too often one side “gets it” and other parent can’t or won’t bring themselves to take the fight out of the conflict and truly focus on what is best for their children. A common theme, both in marriage and divorce, is that “It takes two.” It is no different when trying to end the acrimony and develop a post-separation co-parenting relationship that works.

That fear of how best to deal with the spouse who didn’t yet “get it” opened an opportunity for me to refer Liz to Chris Mills. Specialising in supporting divorcing and separating couples in Bath to understand and manage the complex emotional dynamics of their separation, Chris was able to hear the problems and challenges that Liz faced in dealing with her husband and then contact and invite her husband to tell things from his perspective. Chris then offered to assist with both Liz and her husband without representing either, to develop a parenting plan that worked for them both and their family.

Getting both parents engaged in the process of conflict resolution is no easy task. Often little thought is given to how the other parent is doing particular if they continue to make life miserable. But getting both to “get it" as soon as possible can make all the difference to how the separation and divorce impacts the children affected. My experience is that family consultants like Chris Mills accredited by Resolution to work from Bath in the specialised field of divorce and separation can help make that difference.

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