Parental Alienation Awareness Day is Relevant in Bath Too
“She would love me to disappear from our son’s life. I have been resisting this but any contact with him has been very much on her terms and rules”…. a comment made by a distressed father from Bath, to me, whilst experiencing the syndrome known as “Parent Alienation”. A term given to the deliberate attempt by one parent to distance his/her children from the other parent. The motivation is to destroy the parental bond between his/her children with the other parent.
Today, 25th April 2010 is Parental Alienation Awareness Day in the USA. A day, equally relevant and needed in the UK and in my home city of Bath.
“I think it unlikely that he will promote and encourage the boys’ relationship with their mother”.. and the response to that is often “I’m prepared to “fight” by whatever legal means necessary to ensure I have contact. I expect a great deal of resistance to this; however I believe this is what my sons want”
Restorative justice isn't something that the Family Courts are quick to address and the compensation provided by them is often far less than the loss experienced. The parent denied or with limited contact with a child often feels that his/her rights have and are being compromised. In fact, that parent can feel that he/she only has such rights as the other parent, or the Family Courts, can be persuaded to grant him/her.
So, what can the denied or restricted parent do?
Cathy Meyer a US Certified Divorce Coach provides some useful advice in her article “Help for Victims of Parental Alienation Syndrome” including consider working with a mental health professional ie a child specialist and never to give up hope
In her article “Tips to Help Restore Your Relationship With Your Child/Children” Cathy reminds us that when a parent reaches out to a child there are no guarantees that their efforts will pay off but, if no effort is made, the chance of re-building the relationship is remote. She suggests a number of things a parent can do and not do while attempting to connect with an estranged child
Even when pursuing contact through the courts, I advise my clients in Bath and Bristol
• Always accept whatever contact to your child is on offer, no matter how low - or absurdly low. If you accept a two-hour visit, you have established that two-hour visits are workable; if you refuse a two-hour visit, the resident parent can argue that two hour visits are not workable and should not happen.
• Do absolutely everything possible to make contact work, i.e. no arguments, no recriminations, no harsh words. Do not be late. Do not do anything that crosses a line without the most profound consideration. Do not indulge in tit-for-tat.
• Always remember that the Court's primary concern is whether the contact has worked i.e. been glitch-free and not so much with whose responsibility it was that it did not work. If contact is said to be causing difficulties, then even if those difficulties are caused by the resident parent, your case will become a difficult case where the Courts will be far less likely to intervene on your behalf. So we must make contact work!.
Rob was a successful entrepreneur who had built up a business in Bath during the marriage. He came to see me as his marriage of 10 years to Sarah had come to an end. I learnt that Sarah knew little about the business and was concerned that she would lose out. Rob felt that the business was "his" rather than an asset to be shared.
Parenting at any time can be a challenging and complicated process. Parenting following divorce or separation can be even more difficult. The prospect of Co-parenting with the ex may seem a nightmare ..gif){kind=logo}
"Our children aged 16 & 14 were reassured by seeing us working together to resolve our issues.” - “It really was by far the best thing we could have done. I would have been more damaged without it.” - “It is probably best summed up as “communication, not confrontation"
Having practiced as a solicitor in the specialised field of Family Law and Divorce Court litigation for